Authority in a Taken In Hand relationship

Authority is the right or power to enforce rules or give orders. As a man with an interest in having a Taken In Hand relationship, I like the idea of having the power to exercise authority over a woman who would enjoy that. I have no interest in being in an authority position over a woman for whom that would not be exciting and enjoyable: it would have to be consensual. I am not someone who thinks men have the moral right to be in authority over their women: this is only for those who find the idea of authority fun, exciting and erotic.

I like the idea of being with a woman who would accept my authority—a woman who would want me to have the right to make decisions and command obedience. I like the idea that if I were to tell my woman to do something, she would do it. If she were to disobey me, I would punish her. The woman for me would be someone who would find that exciting, a woman who is aroused by authority, and by my exercising that authority over her.

I'd like to have authority partly because of its power to short-circuit relationship-damaging rows, as ConfusedofHomeCounties and the boss have explained. But mainly (let's be honest!) because it's sexy.

Even if I were mistaken (or if the woman thought I was mistaken), I'd still expect her to accept my authority and obey me. I am not into having a servant, and would not use my authority to extract service from my woman, but even here, if I were to ask her to do something, I would expect her to do it, and would punish her if she did not. I would of course want my woman to feel free to speak her mind, raise objections, and I would hear her ideas, opinions and complaints. But in the end, I would be the authority and I would make the decisions and she would be subject to that authority and willingly so.

Having said all this, I am a very laid-back, easy-going, non-demanding person, and I believe in exercising my authority with a very light touch. I think this important for a Taken In Hand relationship.

Although I said I'd expect obedience, I'd be disappointed if my woman had no spirit and playful mischievousness sometimes. I wouldn't expect punishment to be very frequent, and I would expect it always to bring us together and to reaffirm our connection, never to make my woman miserable or distress her for any length of time. If authority were not something positive for both, it would not have the power to excite me. Consent is paramount: I don't want to take away women's rights.


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Authority in a Taken in Hand Relationship

I think it's great if you find a partner and both of you want this for yourselves. Then indeed it is fun, sexy and increases your bond and love.

Thank you for taking the positive and fully consensual approach on this issue. I find it a refreshing contrast from those who assume it is somehow "supposed" to be a male head of the household relationship and that those who opt for something else are somehow foolish and wrongheaded and on the road to relationship failure.

Wishing you the best of luck in finding the lady whose desires match your own.

Authority in a taken in hand relationship

WOW :) Are you the same John as in the personals? Great article! If only all men shared your thoughts!

Hello John; with best wishes

Hello John. I am the person who asked the above question. (Just mischievous curiosity) :-) You sound like a very loving man; if only I were 20 years older and living in the UK!
I really hope you find a woman who fulfills your needs and shares your views in life. IMHO I think that the way in which many people perceive dominance and authority are way too negative! They are only thinking about those who go beyond (and sometimes violently) the boundries that are the basis in a consensual and loving Taken in Hand relationship.
I for one, believe in 'old fashioned' values and traditions. Having the man as head of the household—IS exciting, sexy and would fill my dreams completely. I love the idea of having someone (whom I share a personal relationship with) exercising their authority over me. This of course would have to be teamed with affection! In return, they would receive submission and plenty of affection from me.
The whole concept of a Taken in Hand relationship is extremely appealing on a whole lot of different levels; emotionally, physically and of course sexually! As other readers have commented; it saves those disastrous and relationship-breaking arguments and other problems. It sets a harmonious balance; and leads to a peaceful, loving, exciting and sexy relationship. (IMHO)
Once again, I wish you happiness and success in your quest. (quest??!! giggle!)

Authority in a taken in hand relationship.

Absolutly an ideal description of my feelings and husband-wife relationship. We are well on our way to achieving it-a few rough edges but near perfection. Thank you John for articulating our position. AL

Only Your Husband Knows for Sure

The kind of punishment you should receive, if any, for a given
infraction should be determined by your husband. If I had a wife who
habitually procrastinated, I would take measures to correct that

But then, I see things as black or white, and have no regard for
shades of gray. ;-)


Measures and Men

KrosRogue wrote:

If I had a wife who habitually procrastinated, I would take measures to correct that behavior.

What is it about a Man who would say that and do that, that excites me? I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and shouldn't get a thrill in reading KrosRogues words but I do. I want a man like that but let's face it there aren't many KrosRogues around.

What is it that excites me? Is it the discipline? The punishment? The dominance of the man? What?????


The Cold Analysis

Some things can be analyzed, some can't, and some shouldn't. The
teasingly pleasing emotional tension between a man and a woman is
among the things that shouldn't. The very process tends to destroy the
mystique, in very much the same manner as a scientist exploring a
delicate flower mangles its beauty.


Analysis for fun

KrosRogue wrote:

"Some things can be analyzed, some can't, and some shouldn't. The teasingly pleasing emotional tension between a man and a woman is among the things that shouldn't. The very process tends to destroy the mystique"

Ahh, but if you do it right, it enhances the whole thing :) And if you involve your partner in the analysis, well, you soon end up forgetting what it was you were trying to figure out.

As in this (note,this hasn't happened exactly like this, but it sums up various conversations quite well *g*):

Me: I'm not sure if I go all tingly because of how you stand, how you speak, or what you do?

B: *pulls himself up to his full height* Like this?

Me: *starting to go all tingly* Mmm... and your voice... I think...

B: *using full-strength tone of authority"* Like this?

Me: *voice souonding a bit quavery, knees definitely weak, sighs* Oooh definitely that

B: I really think I should spank you for this, it's quite unbecoming

*several firm swats from B, I start to go very tingly and submissive. A while later, when my mind is refocussing*

Me: What was I talking about earlier? Ah well, never mind *exit, with big smile*


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.


Thank you for your insight. I tend to be overly analytical and that
trait has soured a few interactions that would otherwise have been
enjoyable. As a result, I have tried to eliminate it from my more
intensely emotional events. I never considered using it as a toy.


To KrosRogue

I can be extremely over analytical—I think I'm lucky that B and I can use it as a toy as well as a serious tool—although I'm not sure it was ever a concious decision. In fact, it prolly started when B got fed up with me being overly analytical with how I feel, why it works, why I like it and so on.

Anyway, glad to have given you a new perspective on it :)


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

What a wonderful article

I'd never read this one before, I can't believe I'd missed it until now. This is just terrific. John manages to make male dominance look attractive and desirable.

He doesn't expect all women to want this kind of relationship, and he doesn't think women who don't are evil or anything. And he doesn't hark back to some wholly imaginary Golden Age in which all women were submissive, all men dominant and everything was wonderful. And he doesn't want to drag women round by the hair or anything.

He just makes the idea of dominance and submission sound charming and delightful and romantic. A light touch, as he says. Absolutely enchanting. Why hasn't he written anything else here?

[Editor's answer: I agree with you, Louise, but getting him to write that article involved more arm-twisting, threats and bullying intimidation tactics than are seemly for a nice sweet submissive Taken In Hand woman like me. ;-)—the boss]

Great job, John!

I agree with Louise: Great job, John. Let's hear more from you.