A year of new management

It is now over a year since our household had a change of management. Initially we rushed impatiently into changes, which we then had to modify. We started with so many rules, many instigated by me, but then gradually my husband took control of the things that genuinely mattered to him. I am by nature very impatient and I wanted to feel his control in every area immediately. This may be one reason why he makes a better head of our household than I do!

At the start I obsessed a bit about him spanking me. I wanted that to be a part of our Taken In Hand relationship, and I felt that he wasn’t doing it enough. I did a certain amount of bratting and sulking, I think. As my husband gradually gained in confidence in what he was doing, he started controlling things in his way. He does spank me when he thinks it’s appropriate or he controls me in other ways but I’ve gone past feeling that spanking is of central importance. Accepting that it is not my choice has made me much more relaxed and is helping me to become less controlling.

The other thing about spanking is that, as a grown woman, I feel vaguely ridiculous in the position of a spankee! Feeling ridiculous though, I have found, is a really good way to take the heat out of a situation; it is hard to continue arguing in that position for one thing. For my husband it is important for him to see that I want to be controlled by him and I think for both of us it plants the idea of making love rather than bickering. Being spanked also has a calming effect on me and I find it very reassuring because I know that my husband is absolutely focused on me. It’s not as if I thought he would go off with someone else, but it seems to me that a man who is able to express his annoyance is far less likely to end up in a bar complaining that his wife doesn’t understand him! By the time he has spanked me, yep, I understand him!

I can appreciate why some people would be appalled that I would let my husband spank me or that I would want my husband to be the head of our household. After a year of being Taken in Hand I know that, for us, this is much better than the power struggle that we had before.

I always knew I didn’t really want to be in charge but I come from a family of women who demand equality and on the face of it Taken In Hand may seem like the antithesis of equality. In reality I know that I am the centre of my husband’s world now, and he feels empowered to make decisions which he feels will benefit us as a unit. He makes the final decisions but I’m his inspiration and his muse! I’m proud that I am strong enough as a person to go against the trend and be true to who I am, not who society currently expects me to be. Fashions pass and couples need to find their own ways of being together.

Listening to my husband much more has revealed something to me. He has an annoying tendency to nearly always be right! He’s always said to me that he’s always right but I never really believed him. I am a very emotional person and, especially when I have PMT, do make emotionally-led decisions. My husband, however, is much more balanced and life is much smoother since he took charge.

I wondered at the outset if we would sustain our Taken in Hand relationship. It has changed over the year and continues to do so. I continue to find it very erotic to obey my husband and support him in his decisions. I don’t think it is his God-given right to be in charge but I think he has proved his suitability for this role in our household.

I don’t think we were facing imminent divorce when we started this but I do think that we are more happily married than we were a year ago.

Jane M

Taken In Hand Tour start | next


Evolving relationships

Great article, Jane M! It's interesting to hear how everyone's relationships evolve over time. We've only been at it for a couple of months, and things have already changed. We also started out with more 'activity', but now have settled things down a bit. I wonder how things will be for us a year from now.

We are also like you in that our marriage wasn't heading for divorce at all. But Taken In Hand has made it even stronger. :-)

I'm just curious...if I may...in what other ways do you feel your husband's control (other than being spanked)? Has this evolved & grown over time?


Controlling ways

I think it is a source of huge pleasure and interest to my husband to find new ways to control me!

He uses some routinised forms of control such as I have to leave the mail for him to open and I have to get him a cup of tea and give him some chill-out time when he gets in from work. He'll also use pre-emptive control such as telling me how much I can drink at a party or telling me how he wants me to handle an issue with the kids.

If I am stepping out of line, in public or in front of the kids, he will just give me a look or a gentle squeeze on the arm or buttocks. Other times he will whisper in my ear something along the lines of "Don't think that you are getting away with that", and it looks like he is whispering sweet nothings.

If we are in private and he is annoyed with me he will usually put me over his knee and spank me, but sometimes he won't actually spank me. Just being in that position, with my bottom bared, and being given a talking to can be enough to make me calm down. I know that he loves the feeling of control of knowing that he can choose to put me in that position and not spank me.

There are times when his control is very sexual like telling me to go and strip off and sit on the bed and wait for him. He's always been very dominant in bed though so this form of control is nothing new.

Initially I wanted my husband's visible control and spanking offers that. I would get very churned up when he didn't do it and see it as him not being in control. It has been a learning process for me to accept that this is not how my husband always chooses to control me. If I decide if I need spanking, then this would be me being in control. My husband often prefers more subtle forms of control—sometimes it is so subtle I don't realise until much later that he was controlling me! Part of letting go of the control, and letting him be the head of our household, has involved accepting that it is not up to me to decide how he controls me. This is in itself erotic I find.

My husband's a very calm person and it would take a huge shift in personality to be able to muster up enough irritation to spank me more often. Of course I am such an angel that I hardly ever provoke this reaction anyway!! Hmmmm. Our relationship isn't a game and I would rather he gave me a 'sincere' spanking when he decided that we would both benefit than a spanking that he felt no genuine need to give me. It has been a long journey but I trust him to control me how he sees fit.

Jane M


Although I crave control I crave spanking as well, and if I wasn't getting it I would quickly become very frustrated. Since my husband knows this he spanks me quite frequently. If he spanks me when he's not particularly angry with me it isn't a game, since he knows it helps to keep me good-tempered and compliant. if he put over his knee without spanking me it would drive me frantic and leave me totally frustated and wound up, and I don't think he'd want that.


re. Spanking

I know what you mean Louise about the frustration of not receiving a spanking when that is what you are anticipating. If my husband puts me over his knee and then doesn't spank me, it is usually in response to me having got particularly out of hand, at a point when it would be inconvenient to actually spank me. He won't hesitate to spank me if the kids are out of earshot but he uses this method if they are nearby. It is usually followed by a spanking at a more opportune moment, but in the immediate it does trigger the improvement in my behaviour that my husband is looking for at that point.

My need for a spanking is rooted in wanting to give him a chance to vent irritation and for me to feel that an issue has been dealt with and we have moved on. I also see it as a demonstration to my husband that I will submit to his control, which we both find very erotic.

I enjoy the everyday control that my husband exerts over me too as it feels that he is very involved in my life now. I enjoy knowing that he is managing the things he cares about such as the house being tidy (I'm not a natural housekeeper either Louise!), the children being happy and me looking after my health. When he tells me that he wants me to do something and I know that it is non-negotiable I find this as erotic as being spanked. Perhaps it's a psychological spanking for me!

Jane M

hope for our future

Your article gives me hope, Jane. We are only a few weeks into our taken in hand relationship and I am currentley obsessed with the spanking element, but my husbnad isn't.
I was beginning to think that I won't ever be able to move on from this point, but now I realise that with time I will. Thank you.