A man in charge needs to be firm and steady

Tevemer wrote:

I find that despite what I would have thought a few years ago about how I would feel about a man making any sort of decisions for me, the more Mike makes, the better I feel.

the boss wrote:

I, too, find it very soothing when a man is decisive and firmly makes a decision when I am vacillating or unsure what I want. I think many women feel the same way.

It seems so antithetical to modern cultural norms that a woman would find it soothing and/or thrilling that her man would have authority to make decisions on her behalf and in some cases sanction her behavior.

When first considering such a relationship the fear is that the man might overreach and misuse his authority. I suppose in some cases this is true. But from what I have read, and in my own experience, most men over time will figure out what is important to him and focus on those things. Those men who don't figure this out remain inconsistent in their leadership frustrating his woman because she does not know what she can expect from him.

When first contemplating this kind of life I had to determine what was important to me. What things did I want to control? What expectations did I have for her and our relationship? This is a process every man who desires a Taken In Hand relationship has to consider. He really needs to give this serious thought.

A woman who is attracted to this kind of relationship will appreciate her man's effort to take control. After all, she deeply desires his control. She is eager to feel his masculine presence and authority in her life. But she will become frustrated and later disenchanted and eventually lose confidence in him if he is not clear about those things that are important to him. Let's face it, women are attracted to confident men. The man who vacillates, who is unsure of himself, will overtime become less attractive.

A man who does not know his own mind cannot be decisive. How can he be firm with her when he needs to be? He need not control everything to gain her respect and cooperation. In fact, I would argue that the man who tries to control too much does so because he does not know himself. But when a man has a sense of himself, knows what is he wants from his woman, she will relax into his leadership because she feels comfortable knowing that he can act decisively.


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Good article

Good to see you writing again, Stephen. I often do not comment on your articles because your writings parallel my thought processes—so closely, in fact, that I have little of value to add.

Once again, you have expressed my thoughts very well.

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

Realiably Consistent

When a man can be consistent in his actions, it helps a woman to feel comfortable and more secure. She knows what to expect and what buttons not to push (though mischief can be rewarding).


It would be nice to have

It would be nice to have someone you could count on to do what is best for the relationship not just the self.