A good leader accepts that he is human. That he suffers from human frailties. That he may, at times, be selfish, petty, even vindictive. A leader moves others to a future state, usually by non-coercive means. A good leader accepts that he will have moments of human weakness along the way and stays alert for them so that he can mitigate the damage. A great leader uses his weaknesses to advance his group toward the goal.
In a Taken In Hand relationship, the man must be even more vigilant to his humanity. The passions and tensions inherent in an intimate and sexual relationship pray upon human weaknesses. The emotions invoked are visceral and primordial. They come from a place before words, where selfish want lingers. It is only by accepting that he will feel these emotions; that he can be prepared guide these animal lusts to benign, perhaps even useful, outcomes.
A leader in an intimate relationship must be willing and able to look at his reflection in his lover's face and see his true self. He can only do this by putting her first, so that he is tuned to the slightest alteration of his image in her eyes. Any distortions must be corrected immediately unless, by conscious choice, he allows them to linger to advance both of them toward the goal. A leader must be willing to see himself crumble in her eyes if necessary; yet remain resolute in his commitment to seeing her through to the new state of relationship he envisioned.