A few thoughts on crying
Women need to cry when spanked. It is a normal, natural, and healthy release of tensions. Still, for a variety of reasons, women sometimes fail to cry when spanked.
One common cause is the failure of men to understand that their hand is seldom a match for a woman's buttocks. Most women have more than ample padding.
Possible solutions include rapidly switching the back of the thighs, or spanking the buttocks repeatedly—perhaps over the course of a weekend.
By nature, women need to test a man's resolve. It is a necessary self-protection mechanism that men often fail to appreciate.
Although uncomfortable for most women to initially discuss with a man, men need to understand that a woman's crying in the context of a spanking originates from her inner child. This is why women often exhibit other childlike responses to spanking or the threat of a spanking.
Consequently, it is important for the man to provide for a safe environment for a woman's inner child. Among the prime prerequisites for most women—when they lose both their pants and their composure—are privacy in selection of location and discretion on the part of a man.
The long-term payoff for the discreet man is a very stable, happy, and contented life partner—purged of debilitating emotional baggage. The woman's trust of the man is paramount and should not be underestimated under any circumstances. If she cannot trust, she can never feel loved.
In the absence of trust, a woman will “circle the wagons”—to use an American colloquialism—and protect her inner child with all the maternal instincts she can muster. This protective strategy starts a vicious cycle that will eventually turn the woman into a spiteful hollow shell with which no one wants to live—least of all the woman herself. Her life stalls in bitterness.
At the same time, many modern women think themselves mentally tougher than men. By training, and occasionally by disposition, women are sometimes able to prove themselves superior.
Many times a woman's psychological stiffness is calculated to unnerve the man. Nevertheless, women tend to choose men they believe able to handle them.
Nevertheless, apart from testing and provocation, the real problem can be more deeply seated.
These problems prove difficult to resolve because most men fail to realize that spanking is about a woman's head rather than her buttocks.
The link between spanking and crying is not dissimilar from sex and orgasm. Sometimes a woman has to get her ducks in a row to experience either.
Unlike human males, the female orgasm seldom just happens because the plumbing is appropriately hooked up and the itch is scratched. Ambiance, mood, timing, and so forth are all important for setting the stage for grand finale.
The same is true when it comes to spanking. Simply beating her buttocks is much like flogging the proverbial dead horse. It is like squeezing the trigger of an empty double-action revolver.
The cylinder rotates; the hammer falls. Yet, there is no BANG in the end because the chambers have not been loaded beforehand.
As with sex, sometimes the spanking needs to happen on the woman's schedule rather than according to the man's timetable. The time is not so much dictated by his convenience or her dictates as by her need.
There are times when a woman is more ready to cry than she is at other times. Guilt and stress are common prime movers. Some embarrassment over having to take a spanking like a child helps, but contrived humiliation can be counterproductive.
Sometimes a woman needs a spanking to straighten out her mind. These are the times when she is most vulnerable.
In addition, there may be secondary complications from previous experiences in the woman's life.
For example, if a woman learned to endure X number of spanks growing up, or only had to cry superficially to cause a parent to stop, she may try to outlast her husband. She may have also been forbidden to cry when spanked as a child. These are learned responses that may have to be unlearned. Unlearning them takes time.
Likewise, if a woman has been spanked by too many men more interested in getting into her knickers than in straightening her out, she may have steeled herself emotionally. Again, this is a learned response that needs to be unlearned.
Usually, even if a women suspects the origins of the difficulty, she may not tell her husband. Much like spanking, this is one of those things women expect men to figure out for themselves. Hence, the first task is to understand the woman sufficiently to understand her complexity.
The solution to all of the above is one man and one woman coming to an agreement over time.
He needs to understand her needs. This requires listening as well as empathy. To understand women, men need to read between the lines of their statement. Not only is her choice of words often important, what she leaves unsaid can speak volumes.
She needs to be assured that, no matter how awkward or unpleasant things become, he is not going to give up. The focus should be on the woman and the relationship.
There is likewise no substitute for communication beyond “Me Tarzan; you Jane!” Sometimes, a woman needs to talk out her problems—even if she is really trying to connive her way out of a spanking.
Often, even if a man has the last word on the matter, the woman needs to vent her emotions and feelings upfront. Then, once she has exhausted herself, her resistance is replaced by susceptibility to crying.
Nature tends to be helpful in these things. When a woman has to live with someone day in and day out, keeping up an impervious facade can become more difficult than if the relationship is more superficial and transient.
At some point, if they work together long enough, over time, two events are eventually going to coincide. She is going to need a spanking and she is going to need to cry at the same time.
Once her emotional dam is cracked, it becomes more difficult to repair than before she lost her composure. A new pattern has been learned.
At this point, a word of caution is in order. The woman who re-establishes her stoic nature has lost her trust. A man needs to examine himself to discover what he may have done to contribute to her emotional u-turn and remedy the situation.
As with many areas of marriage, the mistake the man needs to avoid at all times is expecting too much too soon and giving too little too late. Patience will be rewarded if the man takes the time to understand and has the determination to follow through.
Comments
I can't cry!
Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader on
I've not once cried during punishment. Are we doing something wrong? I feel now like maybe we are. My husband spanks me very hard and the lecture is real but there are no tears. Despite the pain I love the spanking. What's wrong with me that I can't/don't cry?
Nothing is wrong with you
Submitted by Louise C on
Crying is optional, not compulsory. Some people cry, some don't. I only ever came close to crying once. It was the first time my husband spanked me when he was really angry with me about something. It was hard, and it really hurt, and the shock of the pain combined with the strong emotional feeling I had about this being 'real' punishment, not just something my husband was doing to turn me on, caused my eyes to mist over, but then the feeling passed,and it's never come back again.
If you feel better after being spanked than you did beforehand, then you are getting it right. I always love the spanking too, in spite of the pain; you really don't have to hate it in order for it to be of benefit to you. if it makes you feel better, then you don't need tears. Don't worry about it, just relax and enjoy it.
I sometimes feel geuninely guilty when I am spanked, but that still doesn't make me cry. I never, ever feel embarrassed about being spanked, and it never makes me feel childlike, my husband has been doing it to me for 24 years, and if I ever did feel embarrassed about it, that feeling has long since disappeared, 24 years is a long time to go on feeling embarrassed about something.
As for needs, I think when I am spanked it is as much about my husband's needs as my own, when he's annoyed with me about something "taking it out on your bottom" as he puts it, gives him great satisfaction, and it straightens his head out at least as much as it straightens mine. I think men's heads need straightening as much as women's do.
Louise
It Is Really About the Inside
Submitted by Noone on
The issue is not one of right or wrong methodology.
Likewise, do not worry about the mythical *what
everyone else* is doing. This distraction will drive
you crazy.
The real question is how to *you* feel inside. If you
feel clean and *better when it is over*, then there
may be nothing wrong. Tears will come when the time
is right—usually when your emotional baggage cart is
ready to tip.
However, if you still feel *bottled up* and
frustrated, then there may be a problem. If there is
gridlock inside you—if you still feel all tied in
knots—try to discover the cause. This is part of
the road to self-discovery. No one can do that for
you.
A red bottom is a means to an end rather than an end
within itself. It is quite easy to put a woman's body
in pain. Almost any fool can do that. The preferable
goal is to remove her emotional and mental baggage by
doing so.
Properly used—more by timing than employment of
esoteric technique—spanking is useful in clearing
out a woman's mind. The outcome is cathartic. That
is one reason why, despite repeated attempts at
politically correct reeducation, spanking never
disappeared from the bedroom.
Re: I can't cry!
Submitted by The Boss on
There is nothing wrong unless you have a feeling that something is wrong, as Louise and Noone have said. It sounds as though you are (or were!) quite happy with things as they are. If that is the case, don't give it another thought.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself feeling awful because you want to cry but can't, or the whole experience feels ghastly, or you feel icky, something is indeed wrong. Sometimes (not in your case, from the sound of it!) a woman can't cry with one man, but then when she meets the right man, she cries buckets. For such women, the crying is cathertic and it is preferable to them that they be brought to tears, and if those women rarely reach the crying state, they can feel very frustrated. But other women never cry and never feel any need to. Some get the same release without crying; others aren't looking for that kind of release. Don't worry about it unless something felt wrong before you read Noone's article.
I can't cry
Submitted by Kathy G on
Let me start by saying thank you all for your wise words.
I'm new in this and still have questions, a lot of them. But when I read something this powerful I wonder if my husband and I are indeed doing things right. It's natural to question the things you are doing especially when it's so very important.
However I analyzed myself today after receiving my "be good for the day spanking" and I felt good. I always feel so good after a good hard spanking whether for punishment or for stress relief or whatever the reason. I'm grateful that my husband is taking the lead in this and doing things for himself. I won't say that I don't want to cry since for me crying is such a release but I enjoy being spanked and crying from that might not ever happen.
Now I see there are others who don't cry as well and that makes me feel normal. When my husband is holding me in his lap after a punishment I'm kissing and hugging him and I'm not even that type of a person. He loves that and I have to say I'm enjoying it as well. It's only been a short week he's been doing this with me but it's been the best week I've had in quite a long time. I'm more content than I have been in years.
So I'm going to glean what I need from you wonderful people and try not to worry if something is not the same since no two people or couples are the same. Thank you again for the help.
Kathy
Crying: I get the giggles!
Submitted by Sian on
I really wouldn't worry about not crying. We are all different, have our own DNA and different fingerprints and different emotional make-up. One thing I have learned from this superb website is how different we can all be. There can be no orthodoxy in our submissive world!
As for crying, I don't always either. I do cry when I feel that I have really upset my husband. If there is a spanking well deserved as a result then it is a very lovely and intimate feeling to have a good cry on his lap afterwards with my bottom tingling. Yes it is erotic and releasing. I cannot make it happen though, so my advice is to wait and see.
My problem can be that I get the giggles, just like I did as a kid. Before a spanking, Tim gives me a stern lecture. Sometimes I feel this is really erotic, sometimes I am frustrated and cross with him, sometimes just not in the mood. I usually am at this stage ready with a bare bottom. Again, this can be erotic, but sometimes I just start to giggle uncontrollably. Sometimes, Tim will give me a hard 'taster smack' to bring me to my senses or say ' you won't be laughing in a minute!'
Sometimes this can really get in the way and he feels undermined, but he can use it to his advantage too by spanking me even harder. Sometimes, though, he will giggle too and then—well, forget it!
Whatever happens, we have fun and love whether it is tears or laughter.
Crying
Submitted by Hera on
Noone, very well written; thank you. I particularly liked your insightful comments about women and the need to express things and also to pick times that work for her too adn certainly trust is very important, as you say.
On crying, I cry if it hurts but that doesn't mean stop, although I think it is a bit of a sign to check everything is all right with her however. So I don't think men should ever just ignore the crying. When I've cried the man I've been with has actually rather liked it. It certainly makes me feel very close to someone, that they can see me so vulnerable.
Punishment?
Submitted by Jen (newbie to the site) on
What about spanking that occurs for playful purposes only? Will this cause confusion when there is need for "punishment" of some sort? Personally, I enjoy a good spanking... and though I'm not usually into pain, necessarily, I enjoy a hard spanking. It turns me on, it turns my man on, and we have a good time. Sometimes I will even request it jokingly; he has no problem taking the reins when I do. The sting/vibration lasts long beyond the moment, and it's a nice reminder of our intimacy. But back to my question: should I be sure to distinguish "fun" spanking from "punishment" spanking? And how would I go about it? What conditions should be changed, if any? And is "fun" spanking okay to begin with?!
I'm new here, but I love the intelligent approach to understanding the taken in hand woman. My man is very appreciative of my nature and is careful not to break my fragile (yet still strong) being. Sexually, I am quite the submissive girl. Sometimes I enjoy being a litte "kinky" and I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Otherwise, I am pretty headstrong, but so is my man, and we both listen to each other and communicate very well. Since he's been in my life, I've truly felt like a "woman." I no longer feel like I'm "superior" to my partner. He's the first man that I really feel fills the "role" of a "man" and that enables me to be the "woman" that I want to be. I know I'm rambling now, but I found this site from a yahoo search because of my curiosity of how my intimate priorities have changed (for the better!).
At any rate, I love this site, and I am looking forward to finding out more.
Thanks!
~Jen
Playful or punishment?
Submitted by Louise C on
There are a lot of people who do seem to be able to distinguish between two different kinds of spanking, playful or what they sometimes call 'good girl' spankings,which are erotic, and the 'punishment' spankings, which are awful, and they really hate them, and they try desperately to avoid getting them.
Well, I cannot do this at all. If I feel that my husband is spanking me for a 'real' reason, i.e. because he is really annoyed with me about something, that makes the spanking much more meaningful, much more intense, and definitely much more erotic. He has described the range of emotions he feels when spanking me as going from 'mildly irritated' to 'severely pissed off', and while I don't actually want him to be annoyed with me, I do find it more satisfying that he is getting something out of spanking me, and not just doing it to turn me on. The more annoyed he is with me, the more contrite I tend to feel, but it doesn't stop me being turned on by it.
I don't think it has ever occured to my husband that I should not be turned on by being spanked, or that there should be two seperate kinds of spankings. The main purpose of the spanking is to make both of us feel better, and to get any annoyance he feels towards me out of his system "taking it out on your bottom" as he puts it. That I find it erotic as well as painful is, as far as he is concerned, a bonus. The insistence of some people that punishment spankings must be entirely disagreeable experiences, with no erotic element to them, would not I think appeal to him,and would be unworkable in our case.
And yes, I would say 'fun' spanking is perfectly okay to begin with. My husband spanked me for 22 years, on and off, before we started trying to have a Taken In Hand relationship, and I suppose it was almost always for 'fun'. It never really occured to me that it could be for anything else. And really, I suppose it still is, but the 'punishment' aspect that is part of it now makes it more fun rather than less.
Louise
RE: Playful or punishment?
Submitted by jenspen33 on
Thanks for the response, Louise. I have read TONS of your posts by now and I truly value your insight. I love the different variations that Taken In Hand relationships consist of. Sandy (my man) and I are just starting out in this, but when I found this site, I realized I had found what I had always yearned for and didn't know... not just in the spanking or sexual departments... but entirely! Sandy is a GOOD man, an INTELLIGENT man, and a KIND and LOVING man. I trust that great care will be taken with me in whatever situations we go through, including the times when I do need to be punished.
We're sort of in the "setting guidelines" phase right now, and we're taking this slowly (thanks to his understanding of my suggestion), but I LOVE the idea of Taken In Hand, because it promotes constant communication and it is actually more "give and take" than "normal" relationships. It makes perfect sense to me.
Thanks again, Louise, for your insights. I am sure that I will find my punishments to be effective AND erotic, as you do yours. :)
~Jen
To Jen
Submitted by Louise C on
I have found that improved communication between me and my husband has been the best thing about our new relationship; we get on so much better and seem to understand each other better. There does seem to be more give and take between us.
I hope you and Sandy continute to enjoy developing your Taken In Hand relationship. Everybody has their own individual style, but they all seem to work.
Louise
RE: "Punishment?"
Submitted by sharless on
Hello my love. I was so pleased to find your inquisitive mind at work here on this web site. Once again, you effortlessly delight and surprise me.
Although, I know we will be discussing this subject privately, I'd like to share a few thoughts here, as well.
I firmly believe that in every form of sexual/love expression, there is room for fun. Your playful nature is one of the things I love most about you. It pleases me greatly when you request a spanking. It tells me that your soul is seeking an even deeper level of intimacy than our incredible lovemaking brings. It tells me, even when you are being silly and playful, the part of you that is most female needs to submit to me… needs to feel the security of my loving control.
I can tell you that you do not need to worry about making a distinction between playful spanking and punishment spanking. I will make that distinction very clear for you. Sweetheart, you have demonstrated such an incredible desire to please me in all things; I do not expect that I will need to punish you too often. However, on those occasions when you do require a “serious” spanking, I will clearly define the transgression and the purpose of the spanking for you. I would never want to cause you confusion in these matters.
Though we are both new to Taken In Hand, we have both already recognized—it is what we have always longed for. Know that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and how much I appreciate your finding this site and sharing it with me.
Love,
Sandy
Not sure if I want to cry
Submitted by Lucy Ellis on
This crying business is certainly a big topic, isn't it? Thusfar, I have yet to cry during/after a spanking. If I try to imagine what would be required for that to happen, the first is obvious—a more painful spanking (new to this and so far just hand spanking which would have to be stepped up a notch to something with a bit more sting). But even then, I'm not sure the tears would start rolling out. For that to happen, if I'm really honest, my husband would have to be very, very angry and probably lecture me sternly at great length, followed by warning me ominously in advance that when he was through with me, I'd seriously regret whatever it was I did that put me in that position in the first place. I think, maybe, then I'd feel the tears start to come, partially out of fear of the pain, but mostly because of my husband's behavior.
Here's the problem: That scenario is simply not going to happen because it would mean my husband was role-playing and/or turned into someone other than the man I married. Don't get me wrong, the situation described does hold some appeal to me, and I think I would find the resulting tears cathartic, but it would really seem to me that he turned into something he just isn't—mean. He's anything but that, and I would probably feel sad/disappointed him behaving in that way.
As all relationships do, ours is constantly involving, including the intensity of our spanking sessions. Nevertheless, crying as a result of the spanking is likely not in my future. If it somehow moves in that direction, perhaps my musing will be proved wrong. But, if I never shed a tear from a spanking, I guess I'm okay with that.
Lucy
crying
Submitted by fortysomething wife on
I have never sobbed during a spanking but I have gotten tears in my eyes. Mostly because of the pain. My husband’s lectures do make me feel guilty but I don’t cry because of them. When we were younger and we used to argue I would cry but at my age I rarely cry because of an argument. Therefore, I don’t think I have the emotional makeup to cry over a lecture at my age. I might get tears in my eyes but I wouldn't sob.
Occasionally he will spank me so hard I feel tears come to my eyes. Usually at that point I will start to really make a fuss and he tends to back down. He doesn’t have the heart to hurt me that much. I think it would be emotionally cathartic for me to cry but being that I have a pretty high pain tolerance it is unlikely that I will. There were times when we were playing with the paddle and I thought “oh my god this hurts so bad I am going to cry”. But then I got over the pain and only ended up with teary eyes. He always stops when I get to the point of hysteria which is when I would cry.
When he is really mad at me we don’t use the paddle because the kids are at home. They would hear the whacks and we don’t have a place where they can’t hear. Instead we use a quieter implement. I think possibly if he used the paddle when he was really mad and used it more effectively-kept going hard when my eyes began to tear up- then I might actually cry. He would have to have the emotional stamina to overcome the fact that I was getting hysterical and begging him to stop. That would be very tough for him. I’m not sure if he could do it. When he is really upset with me and I feel very guilty I am usually on the verge of tears anyway. A long hard session with the paddle would probably do the trick. To me it is the most painful way to get spanked and we have tried many different implements.
I always felt envious of the gal (I think perhaps it was Otter) who had a low pain tolerance and 10-15 smacks with the wooden spatula would turn her into a sobbing mess. Too bad we’re all not that easy to bring to tears. I think most women would love the emotional release it would bring.
crying
Submitted by lex on
i cry everytime i get a hiding! it certainly has a lot to do with the pain of the actual spanking, but i believe it has more to do with the emotional release the punishment provides. the physical sting of a hiding is nowhere near as painful as the anguish i feel when i know i have disappointed or angered him. i feel such a wave of relief after i get a much-deserved spanking, that i can't help but cry.
thank you for the thoughtful post, noone.
Anguish
Submitted by Louise C on
This could be why I never cry, I never feel anguish when spanked. I tned to feel more contrite the more angry my husband is, and sometimes I feel mildly guilty, but anguished never.
I may annoy my husband occasionally, but I think he tends to feel irritation rather than disappointment. I'm not sure I could cope with a disappointed husband all that well. I might irritate him sometimes, but then he irritates me sometimes as well, and I don't think he gets anguished when I get irritated. Irritation and pissed-offness I can cope with, but I think disappointment and anguish would be a bit beyond me.
The only time I can definitely say my husband was disappointed with me was after our move last summer when I was bogged down in misery and homesickness for quite a long period. He was disappointed about that, but he didn't actually spank me for it, because you can't spank homesickness out of a person. After I realised how much I had upset him, I did ask him to spank me for having been such a bitch. I was really sorry I had upset him, but it still didn't go as far as anguish.
Louise
I asked my husband his opinion
Submitted by Kathy G on
I decided that I would ask my husband his thoughts on this matter since he is the one administering the spankings. Now mind you that he is doing this for my benefit. He had no interest in spanking other than for an erotic nature to begin with. That being said he is taking to this and enjoying the benefits of my improved mood changes and more postitive outlook. So I asked him his feelings on whether or not he thought I should be crying.
His response was. "If you feel you need to cry it wouldn't bother me. But if you cried everytime I spanked you that would bother me." He knows I get enjoyement out of this and he equates tears with lack of enjoyment. He does understand about emotional release but that is not something that would come about on a daily basis he feels. I tend to agree with that. He remarked he gets sexual pleasure out of spanking me whether he spanks me for fun or for displeasing him with some infraction of the rules.
He said he can't quite understand my deep down reasonings for needing this but if it helps and makes me feel good about our relationship and about myself then why would it make me cry. I agree with that as well. It really doesn't matter how hard he hits me I don't think I will ever let loose with tears because of it and now I'm totally fine with that.
I tend to agree with Louise in that if I really hurt him and not just pissed him off that might make me feel the sorrow that could bring about the tears. Then I would be more than happy to let loose with them.
Kathy
re: Anguish
Submitted by lex on
Louise, you said:
"I may annoy my husband occasionally, but I think he tends to feel irritation rather than disappointment."
i believe that annoying and angering are two different things. i do not think i have ever annoyed him. but poor communication between us has led to anger and disappointment. it makes him furious when i say there is nothing wrong, but he knows that something is clearly bothering me. in past relationships, i found it easier to clam up rather than voice my opinion. this bad habit has gotten me into plenty of trouble with him, but i am working on being more vocal when something upsets me.
perhaps using the word "anguish" was a poor choice on my part. i just wanted to make clear that, for me, the pain of deserving the hiding and the pain of receiving the hiding are closely related.
Annoyance and anger
Submitted by Louise C on
Well, I annoy my husband all the time, he's very easily irritated, so I am frequently spanked when, as he would say, the dial on the spankometre is at 'mildly irritated'. Less frequently it may be at 'seriously pissed off', when he is really angry about something.
I find that I tend to feel more intensely satisfied by the spanking the more I feel he is getting satisfaction out of it. I feel sorry I've angered him, but glad that he is taking his anger out on me this way, rather than by losing his temper and shouting at me.
I communicate with him much better these days, so breakdowns in communication are rare, but the one major breakdown we've had, when we moved house nearly a year ago, led to too much stress and unhappiness for spanking to be any good until the air had been cleared between us.
Although being spanked causes me pain, the feeling that I really deserve it tends to give me pleasure rathe than pain, and although at first I felt guilty about this, feeling that I shouldn't be getting pleasure when my husband was obviously angry about something, I decided that it was something that was not going to change, and I stopped worrying about it.
Louise
Crying
Submitted by Katie_Spades on
I don't think that it is necessary for a woman to cry during a spanking, but I certainly have. I think I tend to cry more when Jake treats me like a child and lectures me both before and during the spanking, thus letting me know why I am being treated like a child and being punished the way I am. Yet I have had many painful spankings from which I didn't cry so I think it's all a matter of point of view.
Katie
Crying
Submitted by Hera on
Sandy, that was lovely. She's very lucky to have you.
On crying, I do cry sometimes and it's when it hurts a lot and in particular if it hurts and I can't move physically. It makes me very close to someone when they make me cry like that.
I stand corrected
Submitted by Lucy Ellis on
Well I was evidently wrong when I said I thought the only way I'd cry was if my husband turned into a big meanie, and I actually ended up relating to Noone's post more than I thought I would. Noone said:
"As with sex, sometimes the spanking needs to happen on the woman's schedule rather than according to the man's timetable." and "The time is not so much dictated by his convenience or her dictates as by her need."
My husband picked up on this on his own when I could not get out of a mood and was feeling so out of it as a result of PMS. It's those times when I feel most vulnerable and need to feel cared for more than ever. He was verbally reassuring me of his love and concern for me and then told me he was going to spank me to remind me that he's in control and will take care of me no matter what. The spanking was particularly painful and for a bit I was fighting it mentally and thinking, "what on earth did I do to deserve this?" but then I finally just gave in emotionally to it and burst out into sobs when it was all over—it was a total release for me. Neither of us would have ever thought to handle that situation in that manner prior to Taken In Hand, but it sure did wonders. Whatever endorphines were involved certainly did their job and the rest of the evening was lovely.
Lucy
A few thoughts on crying
Submitted by Precious Baby on
I have been reading this website for two years now and have never commented before now. I feel strongly about crying when spanked so when I read this posting I thought it may be time for me to introduce myself and share my thoughts on this subject.
First things first--my name is Precious Baby and my handsome man's name is D. We have been a couple for over 2.5 yrs. I have a strong dominant nature and have always been in charge of my life starting at a very early age. I love men and find their presence in my life thrilling but I do not need one for happiness. I know how to be happy on my own and believe strongly that I am solely responsible for my happiness. While I do enjoy men's company I find most men to be self-centered and boring. I haven't met many men who possess the inner strength that I do. In a physical sense--yes, they are stronger, but mentally and intellectually I find most men lacking in reference to women and I have no desire to be in a one-sided relationship so I have learned to completely depend on myself.
When D. came into my life all of that started changing. We both fell hard for one another and the intensity of our passion and love is beyond comparison! We simply cannot keep our hands off of one another. It is exciting beyond belief! He is intelligent, energetic, sexy, handsome, fun, and does not consider his masculinity challenged in any respect in regard to caring about women and their issues and this is unbelievably wonderful for me because D. is very masculine.
When D. started introducing ideas of a Taken In Hand relationship we were about six months into our dating. I was surprised by his request and knew that I could never submit myself to a man and was fearful that this would surely be our demise. D. was undaunted and relentless about pursuing the thoughts that a Taken In Hand relationship would take us to a deeper level in our love. Only because of my passion for him did I begin to open up somewhat. D. suggested this site and I have frequented it ever since.
We have been exploring this relationship for two years now and sexually speaking it is off-the-charts fabulous! Oh my gosh! Although I resisted yielding control at first it soon became apparent to me as well as him, that we were indeed on a much deeper level. I am, however, having trouble with the 24/7 aspect that D. craves, in an out of the bedroom context, and I believe it is a challenge for me because of who I am as a person. I am not a masculine girl by any sense. Quite the contrary, I am attractive, voluptuous, and sexy. I am only dominate in my inner strength. I have always dominated most of my involvements with men from a where the relationship was going standpoint and men that tried to lead me were meant with strong resistance. I ruled. I was very good at it and also very fair. I am highly educated and pick up on things rapidly. I am aware of my partners wants and needs and have always made most of the decisions based on what I deemed to be right. I depend on me and rely on noone! This is why submission is laughable to me! However my passion and love for D. are not. He rocks my world, and I desire to rock his. As a result, I have discovered, astonishingly so, that I do have a submissive side to my psyche-- that only D. can evoke. I have explored avenues with him that I never dreamed of going to with anyone else. That brings me to the spanking issue.
D. and I quickly came to realize that for us spanking was about his desire to make me submissive or my desire to want/need to feel submissive to him. It is done at his whim or my asking (if I ever choose to do so) for it. It is never about punishment or correction for we feel strongly that those concepts would be false and lead to him finding faults with me so he could fulfill his desire to spank me or me acting out on purpose to get spanked and neither of us desire that kind of drama. We focus instead on the connection that it brings to us. With that being said, when D. gets the whim to spank me I have found that if he doesn't completely break me down I feel angry, frustrated, and confused. My thought processes begin mocking his authority. I get angry that I am putting myself out there for him in a t.i.h. manner and all the implications of the female side of that type of relationship, and then he drops the ball. If he is going to dominate me then he better darn well do it or stop trying. I get frustrated because the only way I feel submissive to him is when he completely breaks me down. I need to actually sob in his arms. I need to know that without question I am truly his and he can take me when he wants and while it is a positive for both of us that I am so strong, it is also okay for me to abandon control to him and he will love me and care for me and it is all good! Without the breaking down--without the crying--I am still in charge and it is all a sham and I desire to be dominate in our love because as I have already stated I am good at it. When D. breaks me down and I weep-- I know that I am his and when he doesn't-- I am just confused about what it is that we are doing.