All through my childhood I was taught to be submissive; “do what you are told”, “don't ask why, just do it”, “do it because I told you to do it”. I was submissive, but I hated being so.
Later, I was submissive to most of the women in my life, and got no fulfillment through my relationships with any of them. Then one day I met a woman whom I just took into my life, in a manner that was totally opposite of the way I was trained. Something inside me just snapped, and I just “took possession” of her. For the duration of my relationship with her, I was the dominant one. For a brief moment in time, I was living a fantasy that until then I kept buried in the deep recesses of my mind. It was the only relationship I had up to that point in my life that was truly fulfilling for me.
It wasn't until much wasted time later that I learned that my entire life should have been that way. I hated most of my life because I was playing a role that was opposite of my nature.
Finally, I found the strength within myself to shed the very powerful conditioning that kept me from being the man I want to be. In spite some personal tragedies that have occurred during the past couple of years, I am far more content now than then because I now know how I must behave to please myself.