A deeper connection

Human nature leads us to community-driven activities and to search out like minded people. Whether it be church or sport or classes of some kind, haven’t we all hoped that somewhere out there is another person who really understands us? Someone who can see into our souls, who can turn the light on in our hearts and take us from dull to illuminating? We listen to love songs and hear about the love we hope to find and how it makes us feel. We watch the public face of couples and gaze longingly into their perfect world; you know the one where they never fight and the respect holds them together like an energy force so strong the world will step back and invent a new word for it.

On the flip side, of course, most of us have been in relationships and they, surprisingly, were not at all like our fantasy of them! In actuality, my marriage was very lonely, I never felt understood and definitely not respected. Walking away from that it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It took many years to realize that however hopeful I was, things were not going to change. Over time, I have tried to learn to watch out for red flags and to have enough self respect to know I deserve a healthy committed relationship. For those of us with a submissive side, I think this is particularly difficult, to distinguish between a man who is taking because he is selfish and looking for some short term thing versus an honest good man, who knows the value of getting all of a women for the long term. As others have pointed out, the takers are often very good at knowing how to play a great surface game to hook you in. I myself, am also an optimist and painfully good at making excuses for men a la—he's not a phone person. You know what, if he can’t find time to call you every few days at least, there’s a problem!

So why Taken In Hand? Taken in hand for women, because we are givers. Taken in hand because givers know that giving yourself completely in trust is the most amazing thing and we need to feel the freedom that comes with it. Taken in hand because it is not a game like BDSM or something short term, that is merely something superficial that doesn't resonate to the core of us. Taken in hand because it can only get better and more intense over time as the connection increases while you build on the trust and honesty and communication between you. Taken in hand needs the most stable of foundations and much work is required to build that foundation. Taken in hand is, essentially, traditional marriage. Taken in hand for men who know the truth of this, are capable of loving and respecting women, can understand the real value of what such a relationship can bring to their lives and would never, ever mess with this most sacred of bonds.


Taken In Hand Tour start | next


Gabbi's post

Thank you for the courage to write your feelings. This approach is new to me. I tend to be introverted yet I am strong and honest. If I would have seen this website when I had problems with my wife acting out, I may have been able to save my marraige. It gives me hope when I see women like you out there.

> For those of us with a subm

> For those of us with a submissive side, I think this is
> particularly difficult, to distinguish between a man who
> is taking because he is selfish and looking for some short
> term thing versus an honest good man

Probably that's because people with submissive side for some reasons are more interested in giving than in taking. But it's not so easy to act this way in everyday life because it runs contrary to the expectations of those around. And for the people with submissive side the expectations of other people mean much, they usually can't just ignore those expectations. So, they tend to seize an opportunity they value so much whenever it comes up. I think it takes a great deal of self-control to pause and think in the situation when you can finally satisfy some your deep-seated need.

> Taken in hand for women, because we are givers.

Do you think that men are essentially takers? How do you feel about men if you really think so? Moral values are gender-neutral.

Takers and Givers

I don't believe it is true that men are naturally takers and women givers. It certainly isn't true in my case, my husband has always been more of a giver than me, and i have always been more of a taker. This is still the case. However, these days I try to heed the advice of Dr Pat Allen in 'Getting to I Do' and take the things I don't particularly want as well as the things that I do—which has made life pleasanter for both of us.


I don't think men are takers

My point was just that for those that are male takers, and I know many are not, women with a submissive nature are potentially more of an easy target to take advantage of.

Gabbi's article - givers and takers

For me it's not about being a giver or a taker it's about wanting a relationship that stays healthy and I don't feel that's about being a giver or a taker I feel both need to be both—you can't be too much of one or the other and still have a healthy relationship.


A Deeper Connection

Gabbi what a wonderful story. It sound like you and your husband are not only blessed but working hard to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground. It takes a lot of commitment by both parties to keep such a beautiful thing between two people alive and growing.