I think the Bible gives an ideal explanation of what a Taken In Hand marriage (or other relationship, for those who choose not to marry) should be. I'll try to paraphrase it in such a way that the religious tone is excluded, which for me is a bit difficult, but here it is:
The husband leads the marriage, and the wife is submissive and respectful to her husband.
A man loves his wife as his own body. He who loves his wife loves himself.
A man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, so they can become one.
The husband shows respect and love toward his wife. The wife does likewise toward the husband.
The wife does not deny the husband her body. Likewise the husband does not deny the wife his body.
Neither spouse denies the other, except by mutual agreement for a limited time.
In short, the man leads, the woman follows. They both cheerfully and lovingly do what they can to satisfy each other's needs and desires. I think that encompasses nearly all of the variations of the Taken In Hand relationships.